How a swimmer views the world

en av tjejerna på laget postade en länk på facebook till en artikel om "How a Swimmer Views the World". ganska så rolig att läsa, för det stämer ganska bra. sad but true.

.

Normal Person: “It’s a beautiful day outside.”
Swimmer: “OMFG this sunshine is going to ruin my nap. Curse you, Helios and all your happy glory. Double Blackout Curtain Time, all the way.”

.

Normal Person: Enjoys holidays.
Swimmer: Holidays?

.

Normal Person: Says, “Great dinner, honey. I’m so full now.” 
Swimmer: Says, “I have a parasite. Its name is 4x800 freestyle. I’m on my 8th dinner and there is no end in sight. I cannot physically become full. Chicken, steak, red meat, give me anything. I’m like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors. Please. Feed. Me.”

.

Normal Person: Looks human.
Swimmer: Looks like a crossbreed between fish and human. Skin is pasty, near translucent. Eyes are consistently bloodshot and barely open. Hair resembles Sonic The Hedgehog on crack; pokey, falling out, dead-looking.

.

Normal Person: Can catch a ball with two hands.
Swimmer: Ball? (WHAM.)

.

Normal Person: “Hey guys, want to go throw a Frisbee?”
Swimmer: “Hey guys, under no circumstance am I leaving the confines of my couch. No amount of beautiful women on the beach or promises of fun friendship escapades will remove my buttocks from my furniture permacurve. Roots are forming, and I’m OK with that. Leave me be.”

.

Normal Person: Enjoys occasional physical labor. 
Swimmer: Enjoys inventing phrases like “I’m on taper” to ingeniously avoid extraneous physical labor.

.

Normal Person: Eats at home.
Swimmer: Eats at all-you-can-eat-buffets to save money.

.

Normal Person: Can articulate thoughts and feelings with lucidness and clarity.
Swimmer: “Me tired so me now zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

.

Normal Person: Makes small talk about the weather, news, and politics. 
Swimmer: Makes small talk about intervals, pain thresholds, and suit chafing.

.

Normal Person: Has friends.
Swimmer: Says he has friends. In actuality “friends” consists of a notepad with goal times, and a typical “Friday Night Out” consists of an ice bath while reading “Born To Run” then going to bed early to prepare for tomorrow’s Saturday morning practice.

.

Normal Person: Doesn’t respond well to coaches screaming to ‘go faster.’ 
Swimmer: Goes faster.

.

Normal Person: Can hold breath for 30 seconds.
Swimmer: Is annoyingly too good at that Jim Carrey gag, “Want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?”

.

Normal Person: Feels awkward half-clothed in public.
Swimmer: Is frequently arrested for being half-clothed in public.

.

Normal Person: Hopes not to fall asleep in class.
Swimmer: Is the one person in class that will fall asleep before you.

.

Normal Person: Thinks “Swim Fan” is an awful movie.
Swimmer: Thinks “Swim Fan” is a horribly awful movie. But not for plot or poor character development. More because of the winning time listed in the movie was so horribly inaccurate, a swimmer thinks, “What the hell is a 1:17? Could the writers of this movie not even research a SOMEWHAT close time? Google search takes what, 3 seconds? They couldn’t even call someone even remotely educated in the sport of swimming during the development of this script? Just pick up a phone? 1:17? Really Hollywood? Really?”

.

Normal Person: Thinks swimmers are weird.
Swimmer: Thinks normal people are weird.

 


Kommentarer

Kommentera inlägget här:

Namn:
Kom ihåg mig?

E-postadress: (publiceras ej)

URL/Bloggadress:

Kommentar:

Trackback
RSS 2.0